Opinion: Nigerian Marriages in US and Their Native Country!Headlines Thursday, July 5th, 2012
I am no marriage counselor or sex therapist.
But one common behavior/conduct/practice in Nigeria marriages, the men have a sense of ownership of their spouse, behaving in a manner of ordering them, demanding whatever they want, and if his ruling/kingdom is not obeyed, [may] use force – BEATING, KICKING and SLAPPING. It’s an animal kingdom marriage, survival of the fittest.
In civilized world, don’t ask me which one, marriages end and people move on. Although there are men all over the world whose sense of power, superiority, control and command, rest on being able to order their spouse and children around. It happens in the west too. But here is stark difference – any man/husband in the west that ever lay their hands on their spouse because she refuse him sex or any other command and control demands and resorts to physical abuse, will immediately be taken to jail when police arrive. No begging or pleading. And the matter goes from civil matter which is what divorce is, to a criminal one, provided the woman/wife decides to press charges. Sentences of long time in prison is not uncommon. Nigerian men at home – Nigeria, have free ride, trampling on their spouse so that they are seen as running their household. Really!!!
Without offering graphic example as often reported in Nigeria divorce cases, marriage can simply end as being IRRECONCILABLE, and a US civil court will ask no further question, and proceed to issue a divorce degree. Rights of each party varies depending on each state. In a community property state – Texas for one, the asset is shared 50/50, except there is a prenuptial agreement, which may be contested. If younger children are involved, custody is also decided. However, if physical abuse is proven, indictment is likely. Nigerian men at home have it so easy, they get everything and often leave a woman maimed and no one cares. That ought to change. Even animals in animal kingdom, have better rules.
Nigeria is centuries behind in having reasonable and fair laws to protect women – the weaker sex. Majority of men in Nigeria country run amuck with their macho, which often is nonsense because when they meet women from other races, they are whims. In US, many Nigerian men have family violence records, a serious record that prevents them from seeking certain positions in private and public corporations because once such enters one record, it stays. Some in US will act as if they are in their village where they treat their wife as slave. Then the woman wises up and call the law on the man, and wa-la, he is cooked/toasted.
Manage your anger and walk away. No marriage and or relationship is worth it if the only way to make the other stay in, is to coerce them. The dignity of a man is not higher or restored if in a situation where the man should be higher, he descends low using violence to compel. Because some Nigerian men in US refuse the ageless motto; ‘when in Rome do like the Romans’, a lot of them today are morally weakened because the wife they hoped and thought would be a slave to them, has discovered the law and is protected and empowered.
No title of Chief, Oba, Emir, Igwe, Dr, Engr, Honorable, often dishonorable clowns, saves one when dragged to court in US on family violence violation. It saves those who cannot control their anger well because they are subdued by a system aided by their spouse, that is unforgivable and intolerant of their native ways in a modern world.
Any man that lays his hands on a female is not a man but an animal. If a man beats someone daughter who happens to be his wife, what will he do when his daughter, someone’s wife is beaten?
What goes around often comes around in full circle, and it bites when it does. No matter the provocation, lay your hands off any woman or female. No woman can ever provoke me to regret an action which gives her control of me.
By E E OKPA II
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