My Bribe to the Nigerian Police (Parts 1 & 2) – By Tochukwu Ezukanma

Posted by admin Columnists, Nigerian Police, NNP Columnists, Tochukwu Ezukanma Saturday, March 5th, 2011

By Tochukwu Ezukanma, Lagos, Nigeria – Mar. 5, 2011 – Driving from Ojodu, en route, to Ikeja, I turned right from Bank Shonabare Street into Kosoko Road. I did not know that Kosoko Road is a one way street from 2pm to 10 pm, because from where I turned in, there was no sign indicating as such. Ordinarily, there should be clearly defined signs stating that Kosoko Road is a one-way street, and instructing drivers not to turn right into Kosoko Road between 2pm and 10pm. As I drove up the road, a policeman stood in the middle of the road and blocked my way; I stopped. He came towards the front passenger door of my car, and another policeman and a Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LATSMA) official rushed towards my car. As I wind down the window to inquire why he was stopping me, he opened the door and jumped into the car. Similarly, the LATSMA official and the other policeman jumped into the car. I was baffled and irritated, and with a loud voice, I asked them why they were forcing themselves into the car.

They told me that I was running a one way street. I told them that there is no sign, at least, from where I turned in, indicating that this is a one way street. The policeman seated in the front seat ordered me to drive to the side and park. I refused, demanding that they first of all prove to me that this is a one way street. So, with the three of them in the car, I drove back to where I turned right into Kosovo Road. There was no sign before the turn into Kosoko Road showing that it is a one way street. As I turned into Kosoko Road, they showed me a one way sign – a small sign written in black and white amid the clutter of other signs. The sign was barely visible.

I argued with them, my point being that there was no warning of the street being one way before I turned. To see the sign was possible only after I had turned right into the one way street, and have already broken the traffic law. Secondly, the sign is too nondescript. It is not clearly visible. It is small and blends in with the other signs in the same location. Such a sign should be intrusively visible: bold and clear.

From every indication, the sign was placed there just to fulfill the obligation and not to get motorists to obey it. It seems that the policemen and LATSMA officials have an interest in drivers not seeing the sign. It provides them the opportunity to harass motorists and extort money from them.

As I spoke, the LATSMA official seated directly behind me blustered: we are taking you to our office and you will pay a fine of 250,000.00 naira; we will also impound your car and it will cost you 50,000.00 naira to retrieve it. I was incensed by what I thought was an attempt to intimidate me into bribing them. I lost my temper and hyperventilated on them: you can take me to the moon and fine me 1 million naira. I do not care. You men are not here to serve the public, but to line your pockets at the detriment of the people. You are essentially deployed against the people. All you do is harass and intimidate people, and squeeze money off them. You are actually thieves, literally stealing under the cover of the uniform. I just rambled on. The policeman in the front passenger seat seemed take aback and said “oga I bi think say you be gentleman”. To which I retorted, “I am not a gentleman”.

Sensing that I was not ready to negotiate any bribe payment with them, they decided to take me to their office. The LATSMA official wanted me to make a U-turn and go towards their office, but the two policemen insisted that I keep straight towards the police station. The LATSMA official and a policeman dropped off, and I continued to the police station with the remaining policeman.

At the police station, Ojodu Police Station, just by Grammar School Bus Stop, my car was impounded. I was to see the Divisional Transport Officer (DTO). The DTO, a red-eyed, hard-eyed, stone-faced and exceptionally dark-skinned man, was dressed in mufti and seated outside under a tree. Stoic and emotionless, he impassively listened to the police officer. Then, it was my turn to make my case. As I spoke, it was obvious that he paid me no mind. As far as he was concerned, I was already in their net, and there was no way they can let me go without wring some money off me.

I went inside the office to write a statement. There, were about four chatty police women, all in civilian outfits. One of them was to be my Investigating Police Officer (IPO). I narrated the incidence to her. She appeared sympathetic, saying that in a circumstance like this, the police should have just given me a warning and allowed me to go. She said that many drivers, especially, those from out of town or not conversant with the neighborhood, routinely, inadvertently, run afoul of the same traffic rule. Still, she pulled out a statement form and handed it over to me.

As I wrote my statement, one of the other policewomen, asked me, why don’t you talk to them? To which I replied: talk to them as how? Have I not been talking to them? She continued, can’t you beg them? It was a question that struck me as odd, and I thought in my mind, so just begging them can settle this matter? And I replied, what do you mean by beg them? Then, my IPO cut in: don’t mind him. He wants us to take the case to court. If we take it to court, you will have to pay: 50,000 naira to get back your car, a fine of 250,000 naira and then additional money for your psychiatric evaluation.

Wow! A psychiatric evaluation? So my inadvertently running a one way street puts my sanity in doubt. After all these years of a modest and normal life, it must be unbearably humiliating to be railroaded by the police into a psychiatric hospital and the certainty of my sanity will be subject to a Psychiatrist’s professional judgment. I asked them how else the matter can be handled. Immediately, my Investigating Police Officer (IPO) demanded 50,000.00 naira bribe from me.

PART 2

I told them that I did not want to go to court and definitely cannot stand the thought of my being subjected to a psychiatric evaluation just for a minor traffic offence. I asked them how else the matter can be handled. Immediately, my Investigating Police Officer (IPO) demanded 50,000.00 naira bribe from me. I told her that I could only pay 5,000.00 naira. She finally reduced the bribe to 10,000.00 naira. She wanted me to pay the money immediately. But I did not have the cash on me. It was past 4pm and the banks were closed and I do not have an ATM card. I promised to be back tomorrow with the money.

The next day I returned, still insisting that I could only pay 5,000.00 naira. My IPO accepted the money. She said she was going to see the Divisional Transport Officer (DTO), and that she will tell him that I had given her only 3,000.00 naira because if she gives him the whole 5,000.00 naira, he will pocket it without giving her any portion of it. That she has to give some money to the police officer that brought me in. Secondly, she needs to recoup the money she spent on the purchase of stationeries and pens used in “making” statements. That in case he comes out to ask me, I should corroborate her figure.

Coming out of the DTO’s office, she told me that he did not accept the 3,000.00 naira. That he wants her to take me to court but that I should not worry. If he insists on her taking me to court, once we drive out of this place, she will pocket the whole money and let me go. How will he know if I actually take you to court or not, she asked rhetorically?

About 10 minutes later, the DTO emerged from his office. He was so casually dressed (with sneakers and a sleeveless shirt), he looked like a man out to frolic on the beach for the weekend. Short, stout and tough looking, he had the look of an ex-boxer – a retired unsuccessful boxer. It was about 10 am, and he had been drinking. He reeked of alcohol. He did not smell like beer or refined liquor. The smell was that of kai-kai or shekpe.

Initially, by the standards of the Nigerian police, he was very polite to me. He asked me how much money I gave to my IPO. And in line with my earlier understanding with the IPO, I said 3,000.00 naira. He said: politicians steal so much money in this country and nobody says a word, but when people deal with the police they give them a pittance. Still, the very little money given to the police causes uproar and everybody talks about the police and corruption. They want the Nigerian police to function like the police in London without providing them with the amenities and resources made available to the London police. They say the police are rude, but have I, in any way, been either harsh or rude to you? Anyway, we are taking the case to court.

As I wanted to speak, he brusquely dismissed me, saying that I should talk to his deputy, if I have anything to say; he walked out on me. His deputy was the red eyed, swarthy man I spoke with yesterday. I had mistaken him for the DTO, but he was actually the Assistant Divisional Transportation Officer (ADTO).

This time, in talking him, I was very conciliatory. I took to massaging his ego. I told him that in view of the very limited resources made available to the Nigerian police, they are doing an exceptionally good job. Although they are ill-equipped and underpaid, they still put their lives on the line to protect Nigerians from criminal predators. Still, they are misunderstood and unappreciated. It is not that I am unwilling to increase the amount of money; it is just that I do not have additional money.

Evidently, my sweet talk struck a chord in him for he responded, “you are a gentleman. Let me talk to my boss and see if he will accept the 3,000.00 naira from you.” We went over to the DTO, and he pleaded with him to accept the money. The DTO said, “Okay I will accept it because he (the ADTO) is like a brother to me”. I was handed the keys to my car and I scampered out of that place, Ojodu Police Station.

To pay a fine for a traffic offense is normal, although the fine in this case, is too exorbitant. Those who wrote the traffic laws do not expect that people will generally pay 50,000 naira to retrieve their impounded car and a 250,000 naira fine for running a one way street. Most people in their right minds will not pay such excessive fines. The fines must have been deliberately made so excessive and intimidating, so that the average motorist will be frightened into settling with the police or LATSMA officials. The money paid to members of these government agencies trickles up to those at the highest echelon of the state government.

By whatever standard, a psychiatric evaluation for a traffic offense is outlandish. Most Nigerians break the law including traffic laws not because they are insane, but because they are taking a cue from their role models – the power elite – that is, the morally bankrupt and lawless men and women that rig elections and steal from the people.

I am ignorant of the arcane of psychology and psychiatry. Therefore, I cannot clinically discern insanity. I can only detect it in cases where people are obviously and conspicuously insane. However, I know that certain behaviors that are prevalent among the Nigerian political class and government officials are within the realms of lunacy. They include the cloaking of thuggery, intimidation and extortion as law enforcement; robbing the people of their mandate with the terror of the gun; and remorselessly theft of public funds. And it is those who are culpable of these offenses that are in undisputed need of psychiatric evaluation.

Tochukwu Ezukanma writes from Lagos, Nigeria.

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