Campus Sex Files (3): Dear Professor Oluchi, I just found out that my boyfriend of three years has secretly engaged another woman – I am freaking out

Posted by admin Campus Sex Files, Headlines Monday, April 4th, 2016

Dear Professor Oluchi,

I am a 400 level student at Lagos State University and I just found that my boyfriend of 3 years is engaged to another girl he attended secondary school with. I was so ignorant of his secret relationship with her until I found a text message on his phone from her. It was about taking a trip to the village to meet her extended family and begin marriage rites. When I confronted him, he dismissed it and said he loved me and no one else. He assured me that she meant nothing to him, that I am the one he will marry. He even said she was “delusional.” He has not proposed to me and I have a feeling that I am being used for sex. She lives and works in Abeokuta and this may explain why I can’t reach him on most weekends. I love him dearly, but I don’t want to be a fool.

Chimsy – by email

Dear Chimsy,

I think the game is up and the handwriting on the wall is clear. The text message may be genuine and he may very well be having a serious relationship with this girl who appears to be the love of his life since you said they went to secondary school together. Where there is smoke there is fire. I encourage you to ask more questions, find out who this girl is, speak to her if possible as she may not be aware that you exist. If you can’t reach her on the phone, find out where she works and travel to Abeokuta (with a friend for safety) if you are able to and chat with her.

Ask him direct questions as well. You can start by asking him why it is difficult to reach him on weekends? Ask him if you can see his text messages. How he reacts to these will speak volume. If he refuses to answer your questions truthfully and refuses to show you his text messages, the chances are that he is hiding something. If this be the case, cut him lose and count your loses. You are a beautiful young lady, you will find your true love.

Sincerely,
Professor Oluchi

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Oluchi, a professor in one of the universities in Nigeria, dedicates this column to young female students across the country who may be subjected to sexual harassment by their lecturers, cultists, administrators or fellow students. Having experienced sexual harassment herself as a university student without institutional or professional support, she feels strongly in leveraging her counselling background to provide as much support to the often helpless victims.

Send your emails to [email protected] with the words “Dear Professor Oluchi” – coming before your title in the subject area. As the editor receives hundreds of emails each day, please be sure to follow this simple instruction for the quickest response.

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